I've got a continual low-boil of frustration at not being able to practice as often as I would like, and even when I do practice I feel like I'm rushing before, or after, or both, to make up for the time spent practicing.Occasionally I think "I will never be able to give ashtanga the full time commitment it needs, so should I even bother practicing at all?" I'm not sure, though, that I could go back to simply doing hot classes. So I practice on, worrying that I am doing it "wrong", or creating bad habits from being so new and doing it alone, feeling grumpy that there are not more classes closer to me or in the morning, and feeling stressed that my schedule and other commitments keep me from the mat.
I was very enthusiastic about being president of the PTA, but I am feeling a wee bit burned out and resentful that I am the one that does the most. Maybe it is because I am around a lot, and people tell me when there is a need to be met, and I feel compelled to meet it.I have committed to being co-president again next year, but I am eagerly anticipating my term being up. Both boys will be at the same school next year anyway, for the only time until high school, which, for the year at least, will make things marginally easier on me.
Anyway.
Lee has gone into the office for a little while. That terrible bus accident on Friday, in which a chartered tour bus crashed through a fence and over a wall onto 75, has landed in Lee and Susan's lap, because the company that insured the bus is a client of theirs. So Susan went to the scene on Friday, and is in Ohio right now, though I'm not sure what she's doing there. Lee has spent the morning on the computer, researching federal regs relating to NTSB investigations. He needed to print out a 48 page investigation report, and I grumpily told him to go to the office to do it, since (a) he's been on the computer most of the day and (b) he can deplete the office's print cartridges, not mine.
Mom & Dad are here for the afternoon, with tickets to the aquarium tomorrow. They visited with us earlier, and are coming back for dinner. They brought these rather vile-looking green and white mini cupcakes from the grocery store. The boys are delighted. Mother's sweet tooth knows no limits. No dessert is crummy enough for her to pass up.
So, practice related stuff. I did not practice Wednesday or Thursday of last week. Friday I went into midtown to take an Intermediate Primary class with another onlyoga teacher, Leigh. She is very cute and quite pregnant and I enjoyed her class. It was similar to John's, except she threw in some stuff which John has not, like handstands inbetween navasanas which I might achieve in my next life. I stood pretty much all the way in the back, feeling entirely inadequate, but I was actually not so inadequate, or so it seemed from the little I observed. There was one woman behind me who had a major head of dreadlocks. They had kind of a funky smell which I found distracting.
I was happy to see that I am not the only yogini who has to drop their legs to the mat between chataranga and updog, but I get stronger with each class.
During trianga mukhapada paschimottanasana, I felt like baby tenderlove or whatever, but darn it, I guess I am really bony and the floor felt really uncomfortable, even with my yogitoes down. So when I got home, I ordered a Manduka mat and a mat carrying strap. I hope it'll be here by next Thursday so I can use it for next Friday's class. I will save my prana mat for hot classes.
Still working on headstand. Today while I practiced the short forms in the living room - Lee went for a run and I put The Incredibles on for the boys - I tried it again and I've narrowed my general fear of this posture down to, I'm afraid of toppling over backwards. It's not really the upside down part that I fear. I fear falling flat over on my back and hurting myself. I'm also worried that I am not using the correct arm placement....what I read says, it's common for beginners to put too much pressure on their heads and necks, because they allow their forearms to roll out too much. I don't know how NOT to roll my arms out too much.
Tomorrow morning I am supposed to go to breakfast and for a pedicure with Beth & Cindy, but I think I am going to skip the breakfast part and just get the pedicure. I want to do another short forms practice. Practice and all, even if it's all wrong, is coming!
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