Too much togetherness.

That would be me and Will.

I swear I feel annoyed with him 24-7 these days and I alternate between wanting to be a million miles away from him or wanting to put aside everything else and reconnect with him.

He's so defiant and stubborn. He flat out refuses to obey and nothing, short of threatening to take things away from him, works at all. Even taking things away doesn't get his attention, and I hate that I'm resorting to threats to get him to mind. There should be some way to show him it's the right thing to do. Why can't he understand that running away from me, crawling under clothes racks, tackling his brother and pulling him down in the middle of Target are NOT acceptable behaviors? It's not like we were there for even twenty minutes, for crying out loud. In that time he got "three strikes, you're out" which meant he lost his PBS privileges for the afternoon, and by the time we got done at Kroger, he'd lost his CD player for the afternoon for another three strikes. Of course, one punishment seems to accelerate the downhill slide and we're trapped in a vicious cyle of bad behavior, anger, punishment, and more bad behavior.

I have never spanked either of them and it goes against everything I believe in, but I swear sometimes I think it is the only way to get his attention and make him take me seriously. I have asked him in frustration before "do I need to start spanking you to make you understand that I mean what I say?" and of course he says no, but he has no concept of what it really means anyway.

Spanking him is probably the worst thing I could do for his behavior, given his tendencies to play too rough, even if I wanted to spank him.. Really, I'm at a loss. I am counting down the days to August 13, when he will have days filled with activities, learning, new friends and new adults to keep him stimulated and busy.

I keep reaching inside myself trying to find some peace, some space to step back and breathe, but all I keep doing is reacting, speaking angrily, jumping on him at the slightest provocation. I feel like I'm standing outside myself, shaking my head at my own behavior, but I'm too tired, too frazzled to do anything else right now.

I keep thinking, this is the baby I had at home, that I lovingly nursed and co-slept with for three years, the one I kept close to my body until he got too big, and look at the holy terror he's become. He's the one I worry will never have any empathy for other people, I worry he will never think of anyone but himself and what he wants, will never understand how his rambunctiousness can hurt others, and is quick to be hurtful. This is not how we have raised either of them. Michael is sweet, thoughtful and sensitive, and Will can be those things, but can just as easily be mean and insensitive. Is this just him, or have we done something wrong? Am I expecting too much from a five-year-old who is a tad socially immature?

We're going to my generous friend Beth's lake house tomorrow in South Carolina, and I was venting to her today on the phone about our neverending strife. She assured me he'd be fine once he had some other kids to play with, and said there'd be a pitcher of mojitos waiting on us when we get there. My friend Kim, her two kids, and another kid are coming tomorrow morning to pick me and the boys up; already at the lake are Beth and her two kids, and Cindy and her three kids. Beth has a big house about 100 yards from the lake, with a big covered dock, a water trampoline, a slide from the dock into the lake, a boat, and a stocked liquor cabinet. We're staying until Friday afternoon and I hope it'll be a fun, relaxing time for all of us. Already, though, I miss my practice. I won't get on the mat again until Saturday morning. I did a hot class last night, and I think I might try to get up early and do a few creaky sun salutations and maybe part of standing.

I have made a double batch of a layered tortilla, bean, cheese and ground turkey dish to take, plus a batch of banana bars which just came out of the oven. I hope that lots of swimming, sun, good food and friends will restore everyone's equilibrium.

Tagged! and, my no-Nutrasweet experiment.

Yogamum tagged me with a "Four Things" meme:

Four jobs I've had:
I worked the drive-through window at Wendy's.
I sold jewelry/handbags/accessories/fragrances at Belk's.
I worked at the checkout desk of the college library.
I was a paralegal.

Four movies I can watch over and over:
Amelie
Shut up and Sing
American Beauty
Lady & the Tramp

Four places I've lived:
Jacksonville, FL
Miami, FL
Statesboro, GA
Decatur, GA

Four TV shows I love:
None - I don't watch TV.

Four places I've vacationed:
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Jackson Hole, WY
New Orleans, LA
San Francisco, CA

Four of my favorite dishes:
Risotto (though I never eat it anymore)
Pad Thai (ditto)
Homemade cinnamon rolls without nuts
Anything with mole' sauce

Four sites I visit daily:
gofugyourself.com
wachovia.com
ajc.com
wunderground.com

Four places I would rather be right now:
Seaside, Florida
London, England
Jackson Hole, WY
Highlands, NC

Four people I am tagging:
Psycho Mamma
Skelly
Yoga Chickie
Elaina


I posted at the beginning of this month that I was going to try giving up my occasional Diet Coke or Dr. Brown's Diet Cream Soda to see if it made a difference with the stiffness and aches in my left knee, and darned if it hasn't. I suppose it could just be coincidence, but I think not. I've had no nutrasweet in about a month, and my knee quit aching a week after I gave it up, after aching regularly for the previous nine months. It still pops quite a bit, but with no pain. I haven't missed my Diet Cokes that much, but I might try whatever it is that is sweetened with Splenda for the occasional carbonation craving I have.

I did it.

Got my nose pierced AND got my legs fully straight in kurmasana.

But first things first.....I had an appointment for the piercing today, but I had a haaarrdd day with the boys yesterday, so when Lee got home, he told me to go do something by myself. I called the piercer to see if they could take me then and they could, so I went.

It was suprisingly low key. I filled out a form, handed over my ID, paid, read the aftercare instructions, and picked out my jewelry (I opted for a flat titanium piece instead of a gem or a ball). I'm not sure what the technical name is - it's a stud, not one of those ones that has an L-shaped hook.

Anyway, after everything was sterilized, she took me back, had me lay flat on a table and cleaned my nose with some strong-smelling antibacterial (I guess) cleaner....draped a cloth over my face that had a cutout for my nose....gloved and masked up.....then asked me if I could feel the pressure on my nose. I said yes, she told me to take a deep breath and let it out, and then I felt the pinch. It only lasted a few seconds and didn't hurt much; having blood drawn is more painful than that was. She inserted the stud, told me to go look at it and that was it.

Here it is:



You can barely see it in the photo because of my POS camera but it's there, on the right side. Of course, it feels very obvious to me and I keep feeling like I need to take a kleenex and clean out my right nostril.

After 30 days or so I want to get it changed to something smaller. This piece is a bit bigger than I wanted, but the piercer told me I had to wait until it was healed to go smaller.

So, kurmasana: John had a teacher trainee adjusting with him today so the adjustments were plentiful and good. He seems to know who needs adjustments for what so he was waiting for me as I lowered myself into kurmasana. He took my ankles and moved them so they were more in line with the width of my mat, pulled gently straight out on my ankles and voila! perfectly straight legs. Then he went behind me and pushed so that my chest was on the floor. He got me into supta kurmasana too: I bound with hooked fingers and he crossed my legs and got them behind my head.

His Saturday class is usually a full-on butt whipping, and today's was no exception: for urdva dhanurasana, he wanted us to push up, then walk five steps forward, five back, five to the right, then five to the left. Come down, back up, then 180 degree turn. Back down, back up for thirty breaths, lifing alternate legs and hands. I tried the walking thing, but it was very difficult to know if I was moving in the right direction so I only managed a few steps. I also tried the 180 degree turn, but again, I didn't know if my feet were doing what my brain was telling them to do. I couldn't hold for the thirty breaths (or lift my arms and legs) but I did push up and hold for five, lower down, push up and hold, several times.

I have that pleasantly-tired, achy-joints, I'm-gonna-sleep-well-tonight feeling.

Short and sweet.

This post, that is. I took the boys to see "Ratatouille" this afternoon, which we all enjoyed very much, but it gave me a craving for more French-themed cinema, so I'm going to watch "Amelie" in a few minutes. It also made me want a comforting bistro-style meal, but we had our weeknight standby of grilled flatiron steak, grilled asparagus, and cherry tomatoes. We also had a bottle of Barolo with it, and I can't say I cared for it much; I go for the lighter reds but Lee loves those harsher, more tannin-y reds like Barolo.

Packets came from school today - Will got the kindergarten teacher we hoped he would get; for third grade teachers, there's no going wrong, so we're happy with the teacher Michael got.

In more school-related news, I got out the "Bob Books" for Will, and to my delight, he's able to read the first few. I don't know why I'm so suprised, by I am. To me, he still seems like a toddler. I also found a list of sight words that he got at the end of the year and started making flash cards for each word. He sat with me for a while as I did it and he recognized about a third of them already.

Home practice today while the boys watched "Lady and the Tramp"; I wanted to see how I'd do without my cheat sheet and I did terrible. OY. I couldn't remember if parsvottanasana came before or after the prasaritas, and then after the first vinyasa, I jumped up, then went into purvottanasana, then realized that comes after the paschimottanasanas, not before. I'm sure it's because I was thinking about it that I messed up.

I practiced without my contacts in and I found that it actually helps my focus; everything is kind of fuzzy and indistinct and my eyes don't dart around (and I can't see the dust bunnies under the furniture, either).

After navasana, I moved my mat over to the wall to try and work on handstand; I don't know if I'm unconsciously sabotaging myself because I'm afraid, but I can't seem to get my legs up high enough to even go against the wall. I do the donkey kick thing and sometimes I feel like I am close to a point of being up, but it lasts for only a split second. It's my fear of falling, just like when I was learning headstand.

There was something I wanted to do as I approached forty, but I dithered about it for a long time, then forgot about it, and then was reminded about it yesterday as I admired a very stylish, hip woman in front of us in line at Moe's....and that thing I wanted to do was get my nose pierced. I have wanted a tiny little silver stud for a while, but I felt kind of chicken and I also worried about what "people" (ie, my parents) would think. The woman I was admiring yesterday had a teeny tiny silver stud in her nose and I decided right then and there that I was going to do it. And now I really don't care what they think. Not that I don't love them, but I'm doing this for me, not them.

I feel a bit timid about the pain, but I keep reminding myself that it couldn't possibly be worse than natural childbirth.

There's a piercing place, The Piercing Experience, a mile or two from here and I think I'm going to make myself an appointment for Saturday afternoon. Only thing is, the boys and I are supposed to go to the lake next week and I wonder if I'm going to have to stay out of the water. I'm not a huge lake swimmer anyway, but if I go in the water at all, is that going to hurt my piercing?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Book release party at the Little Shop of Stories.

Harry Potter and his Firebolt.

Draco Malfoy and the Dark Mark.

On the back his shirt says "Michief Managed".

The Deathly Hallows at last.

Despite not leaving the bookstore until 12:20 am, when we finally got our book, and staying up until 2:30 to read, I made it to 9:00 advanced primary on Saturday morning. Good class, despite running out of gas about 2/3 the way through, I definitely felt better than I expected.

I came home and read for most of the rest of the day and finished the book about 11:00 last night. I definitely devoured it instead of savoring it, so I'm going back through and re-reading parts of it, though I have to share it with Michael.

It was excellent, with lots of thrilling action right from the beginning, though definitely dark and lacking in the humorous moments of her other books. I have to say, I missed them being at Hogwarts, too.

No practice today: ladies' holiday. Tomorrow I might make a hot class, or maybe Tuesday. I'll probably attempt a home practice sometime this week, though no one is in camp so I'll have to put in a movie so as not to be interrupted.

John told me he was probably going to be putting morning classes back on the schedule after labor day and he sounded pretty sure, so I feel better about my ability to practice. I haven't ruled out the morning mysore yet, though.

In which Mama Yogini talks about tomatoes yet again

We've had some late afternoon rains this week - not heavy ones, just enough to give everything a light watering - and the garden is completely lush. Every day I go out to the vegetable patch and pick three, four or more ripe tomatoes, plus handfuls of cherry tomatoes. The zucchini plants are bigger than ever. There are corn plants growing in our compost bin, along with canteloupe and squash. My herbs are lush and beautiful, as are my flowers. The weeds are doing well, too.

So, yesterday I got an email from the studio that all morning classes are canceled effective this week. I guess the studio is not seeing much business from people during the mornings, but still, I'm bummed. During the summer it's not so hard to get there an evening or two a week, but during the school year, it's impossible, even if I thought it would be fair to Lee to leave him with the boys in the evening after I've had my entire day free. Then in September, soccer season starts, and then I probably won't be able to make it to the Saturday morning advanced primary anymore.

In that same email newsletter John wrote about canceling morning classes he wrote this:

Unlike other yoga studios that spend a great deal of time and money on advertising and trendy classes, onlYoga strives simply to teach the best yoga in Atlanta. We believe that our inspired classes are far more compelling than any billboard or glossy add could ever be...and we trust you feel the same way. We hope you remember that you, the student, are onlYoga.

Given that John is not offering morning classes anymore, my only other option for practice in the mornings somewhere other than home is the unnamed, trendy, billboard-flashing yoga studio, because they offer morning Mysore. Isn't it ironic?

That too presents logistical challenges - their Mysore is from 6 to 9 am, you must start practice by 8, and during the school year, that is when the boys are getting up, eating, getting ready for school. It's really not a good time and once again I'd be leaving Lee to do it on his own.

What I'm going to try to do is this: go try the morning Mysore a few times during the next few weeks, before school starts....see how it goes, see how I do, see how far I am allowed to go. If it is okay, once school starts, I could be sure that everything is ready the night before - backpacks, lunches, all that, then get them up and fed and then leave the house by 7:30 to get to Mysore, leaving Lee to get the boys to school by 8:10. I'd be going with morning traffic, so with any luck, I'd be on my mat by 7:55, leaving me an hour and five minutes to practice. (I wonder if I have to be out of the room by 9, or if I'm finishing closing at 9, if they'll let me stay?) My other option is to be there when the doors open at 6:00, but if I were going to be home by 7:30 am to help with the morning routine at all, I'd have to leave by 7:10. Neither is ideal at all.

I broached the subject with Lee this evening and he's not thrilled with me leaving to practice in the early mornings, both because it would leave him doing a lot by himself in the morning and because he likes to run a few mornings a week.

I swear, I could cry with frustration.

I took a hot class last night and afterwards was lamenting to the instructor, who knows I also practice ashtanga, that there are very few options for ashtanga in this town, and why was that? His theory is that the majority of people around here are overweight and out of shape, and that they simply cannot do anything as strenuous as ashtanga. He says that so many overweight people, women especially, are hip-heavy and would injure themselves doing chattarangas. I think his theory might be valid - this is the south, after all, the obesity belt, except for a few pockets like the town where I live. That would explain why so many yoga studios around here, and believe me I think I've checked them all out via Google, have only classes called "hatha yoga for all levels" on their schedule.

I know that an individual practice is the ideal, but I am still very much in the learning phase, I'm not even sure that I can get all the way through primary without a cheat sheet. For that reason I'm a bit nervous about starting Mysore so soon, but what other option do I have for any kind of regular instruction?

Is the universe trying to tell me to give up on the ashtanga primary series, or to try harder?

In other news, me and four other moms went to a water slide park out in the 'burbs today with the kids and we had a fabulous time. This place had something like eleven different slides, a diving board, several docks in deep water, a sand beach, and ropes that swing out over the water. My friend Beth convinced me and another mom to go down the super-big slides with her. You have to climb two tall flights of stairs to get to the top of these slides, one of which is a straight shot down into the pool, and the other two are steep drops to a slip & slide type bottom, where the force of your body sends a big sheet of water back up over you. Anyway, the steep drop ones are thrilling and a bit scary, and I have a nice bloody fiberglass burn on my right elbow to show for my trip down the steepest slide. It was a bit pricey, but worth it, I thought - totally entertaining, good exercise, and when you're out of the house all day, there's no mess! We're going to go back again before school is out so that Michael can go; he stayed behind at rock climbing camp today.

Tomatoes: the best thing about summer

I know I keep talking about the tomatoes from our garden, but they are just so spectacular that I can't help myself. The squirrels think so too; I keep finding tomatoes still on the vine with a big bite taken out of them. If they're going to do that, I wish they'd go ahead and eat the whole thing, for god's sake.

Anyway, today I made myself the most awesome lunch. Will and I had gone to run errands - to get gas, return library books, drop mail at the post office, to the chiropractor for an adjustment, and to Trader Joe's. When we got home, we were both starving but of course Will was not to ignored, so I had to feed him first. Once he was fed and all the groceries were put up, I was ready to gnaw my own arm off. I got out two slices of whole wheat bread, topped each with a slice of white cheddar, some chopped basil from the garden, and slices of tomato. I salted and peppered each generously, then put them under the broiler. I had that with some slices of raw zucchini (also from the garden) dipped in roasted red pepper hummus I made yesterday, plus some freshly brewed iced tea.

Then I finished up with four squares of Dagoba organic 73% dark chocolate.

YUM.

Since Lee was skivving off today (poker night + six other guys + Papa John's pizza + Maker's Mark = hangover) I felt completely justified in going to Intro to Second tonight. It was a little different from the one I went to a few weeks ago - different set of postures. Tonight we started on second after virabhadrasana II - we jumped up and did pasasana. Today I was able to bind correctly on the right side; however, had to do the prayer twist modification on the left. After that we did krounchasana, salabhasana, bhekasana, and ustrasana. Then laghu vajrasana - I was unable to go back far enough while gripping my thighs, so I went all the way down flat a la Bikram's supta vajrasana, then pushed up with my hands. I guess that's technically kapotasana B, but my arms were not straight. I love this chest opening, backbending stuff, at least, when it doesn't feel as if my back is going to snap instead of bend.

For kapotasana, I just did ustrasana again, though going deeper than ever, with my hands nearly flat on the floor.

Then we did supta vajrasana with a partner, and John has us go down, hold for five breaths, go up and down five times, then down again for five more breaths. Every time I went down, I could hear popping in my lower back - good popping, though. Then up, trying jumping in and out of bakasana a few times (I was wearing some shorter pants tonight, so my shins kept slipping off my arms making it difficult to hold), then bharadvajasana and ardha matseyendrasana.

He had us try mayurasana, which a few of the guys looked like they could do, then pincha mayurasana - the first time I tried it, I must have had my arms totally positioned wrong because I felt like they would not support me at all. I repositioned somehow, and then it felt like I could maybe get my legs up - I lifted one and thought about how to get my hips above my head, but then it was time to move on.

He talked to us about lolasana, which of course he did effortlessly, back and forth without ever touching the ground. Speaking of lolasana, my jump-ups into seated - cross legged, since I can' manage straight legs yet- are more like jump throughs cross legged. I did it on Saturday during practice and thought it was a fluke, but I did it again tonight.

Then nakrasana, which only John could do, then the headstand series, of which I did only two, then closing.

I don't feel as exhausted and beat up as I did the last time I took a second series class, actually, I feel like I can't wait to practice again.

Saturday morning practice

Rocked. Though I think I am probably going to be in pain the morning.

DH was out until after 2:00 this morning with one of his friends and told me today they walked to the neighborhood bar and drank something called an Irish Car Bomb - Guiness accompanied by a shot of Jamieson's Irish Whisky and Bailey's. Glad that I didn't have that sloshing around in my stomach for practice today. When I left for practice at 8:30, DH was just rolling out of bed and both boys were up and ready to rumble.

I felt strong and flexy today, probably because I didn't practice for the past two days. I also didn't eat anything before I left, just had my coffee, and maybe it made a difference. I'm not sure. My left knee also felt great this morning - not sure if that's a result of the large doses of glucosamine/fish oil I've been taking, the lack of nutrasweet, or a combination of the two.

Anyway, it was advanced primary. John added bakasana after virabhadrasana II, and I held it for five breaths, and managed a half-assed jump out of it. John did the same thing as last week in between Navasanas - alternated handstand and pincha mayurasana. Today I almost stayed up in handstand, to my suprise, and I came back down quickly - I wasn't expecting it, for sure.

After supta padangustasana, I did chakrasana out into chattarunga, landing with my feet on the hardwood floors, but when I went into updog, my feet slipped and my head kind of bounced backwards hard. OUCH. Now the back of my neck and upper back is incredibly sore.

John tried to kill us with urdva dhanurasana held for thirty counts without coming down. I held for ten, then came down, then held for five, came down, then came back up for the last five. Today, my problem was that my wrists hurt, not that I didn't have the arm strength. Each time that I came up, I was able to straighten my arms and really push up into my lower back (which also feels like it's stiffening up now).

For closing, John put on this music that was a minutes-long, ambient "ommmm" sound that was absolutely cool. It was very cloudy outside, he had the windows open to let in some cool, damp air, and the music was otherworldly - it was a great closing.

The family of Mama Yogini are shameless Harry Potter fans (the books much more so than the movies, but we enjoy the movies all the same) so we are going to a matinee of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" in a bit, then out for an early dinner

In the trenches

I feel like, as a parent and as a person, I am down in the nitty gritty of my life...ruled by emotion, every step of the way a discipline battle with Will, I can't get past the dreary mundane-ness of life to see what else is out there. I feel like I can't even lift my head above the level of the moment to moment battles and struggles. Even mere mindfulness is a distant dream, no matter how much I strive for it right now.

Such is my mindset and my life right now. How to get out of this pattern is what I need to find out.

I did practice today. I was the only person to show for intermediate primary and Michael said I could take class alone, we could do all of primary together, or I could forego class and earn an extra class for doing so. I actually thought about foregoing class, but I had gotten myself there and made arrangements for my friend Beth to get the boys after zoo camp, so I opted to practice with him.

It was a nice change from a class atmosphere where, I admit, I tend to get caught up in watching other people practice and either congratulating myself on how far I've come or else seeing how far I have to go. I promised myself that I would spend this practice focusing on my breath, and for the most part I did. There were no revelations, no leaps forward (though I did bind and cross my feet in supta kurmasana today) but just a good, steady, pretty focused practice. My left knee felt pretty good today except when jumping back from seated, so instead I stepped back, and at the end of it all, it felt much improved. I feel the most pain in it when I'm putting my weight on it and bending it tightly at the same time, as in squatting, so what I need to avoid until it feels better is Bikram yoga.

Tonight for dinner: chicken fingers, sauteed carrots and fruit for the boys; for me and Lee, grilled flatiron steak with a southwestern rub (chili powder, garlic, cumin, worcestershire, cider vinegar, brown sugar), zucchini from the garden, grilled; sliced tomatoes, and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck Beaujolais Gamay, which is not bad at all.

An hour and a half of my life I can never get back.

That would be the hour and a half I spent seeing "Shrek the Third".

Excessive bodily function humor, use of words such as "sucks" and "hooters" which I didn't think were appropriate for a kid movie, many cultural references which were over my kids' heads, among other things.

Don't they make movies that are purely for kids anymore?

We're all tired, grumpy and out of sorts chez Mama Yogini. Letting the boys stay up too late last week has caught up with them. We're trying to work bedtimes back more toward normal, but last night it was still 9:30 before Will fell asleep.

I know I have the power to change my grumpy, negative attitude, but I'm too tired.

They are in zoo camp in the mornings and I'm trying to plan afternoon activities for them - yesterday we went swimming with friends, today was the movie, tomorrow we are planning to stay at the zoo after camp pickup, also with friends.

I really want to get to a class at the studio tomorrow morning, but I'm not sure I feel up to packing a lunch, going to midtown, practicing until 11:00, then hauling butt back home to shower and change then going back intown to the zoo by noon.

I have felt not quite myself for the past few days; all day Sunday I was exhausted. I'm not sure if my five days of hard practices caught up with me or what, but I spent most of the day completely lethargic and I actually dozed off while reading in the afternoon. My knee was quite stiff and achy all day.

Yesterday I felt a bit better so I did a modified primary at home, skipping the postures that put the most stress on my knee: ardha baddha (standing and seated), trianga mukha, janu c, mari d, and most vinyasas between sides.

It's not the being in the posture that hurts my knee; it's the getting in and out, especially out. Straightening my leg after each of the maris, it felt very stiff and achy and I had to do it slowly.

Last night I kept waking in the night, finding myself trying to fully straighten my leg and stretch, but being stopped by the ache.

I have started ramping up how much glucosamine I take and I'm trying to remember to take my fish oil caps every day. Today it feels a bit better.

I also wondered if maybe my Diet Coke/Dr. Brown's Diet Cream Soda habit, developed in the last nine months, had anything to do with my joint stiffness. I have heard artificial sweetener horror stories before, so I did a bit of googling and found that yes, aspartame has been associated with joint stiffness and pain (among other symptoms) in some people. It was referred to as "aspartame poisoning" which I think would be a bit of an extreme statement in my case, as I probably only drank four or five a week, or in any event, never more than one a day. Anyway, I'm going to give them up for a few weeks and see if I can tell a difference.

In order to satisfy that "I want something other than water" urge, I have been drinking club soda and today I made a pitcher of iced red zinger tea, which is yummy.

I wish I could report that we're having something thrilling or at least comforting for dinner, because that is what I crave, but instead we're having some tired old chicken breasts on the grill pan and the boys are having some instant red beans and rice. I'll probably throw my chicken on a plate with some lettuce and tomatoes from the garden, glop some ranch dressing on top, and call it a night.

In slightly more cheerful news, I did get a new piece of fun outdoor art today, from one of my favorite places: Garden Deva.



It's called "the funky chicken". He's on the deck outside my back door and I like him a lot.

An early bedtime is in order for all of us tonight!

Another butt kicking.

Advanced primary this morning, a full house. Having taken two days off, I felt pretty good in class, but now I'm feeling a little battered.

John mixed in some second series work along with our first series - virabhadrasana III added to parsvottanasana on each side; then in ardha baddha padmottanasana, he had everyone who was in the forward bend lower into vatayasana. After trianga mukha before changing sides, we did krounchasana, then salabhasana two ways: the second series way, and the Bikram way with arms tucked under and both legs raised, bhekasana (each side first, then together), dhanurasana and parsva dhanurasana, ustrasana and bakasana. Then back to primary, where at Navasana we did it something like eight times, alternating between pincha mayurasana and handstands between each set of Navasana. (I can't do either, but I tried, at least.)

I was unable to bind again in supta kurmasana today; I got my ankles crossed and behind my head and once again my hair got in the way; once I got that fixed I was only able to touch fingertips together. I guess binding a couple weeks ago was a fluke!

Then all the way through to backbends, which he wanted us to hold in one long set - "this lowering down in between is a baaad habit," he said. During this long set, he had us raise alternate legs, then lower into kapotasana (neither of which I could do).

Then finally he left us to closing on our own.

Now my left knee, deep in the joint, hurts quite a bit. It has a tendency to do that anyway, but I've not been taking my glucosamine as regularly as I should, and I also may have stressed it in today's practice.

I'm also a bit frustrated with how slowly my upper body strength is increasing. Or not increasing. I still struggle with getting all the way through to the end without my chattarangas falling apart and by the time we get to backbends, I'm fatigued and struggle with doing three (or holding them in a long set). When I do backbends after a hot class, they are almost effortless, but hot classes require very little from my upper body. It seemed for a while that I was getting much stronger very quickly, but now I seem to have hit a plateau in that regard.

Maybe I'm just destined to be a weakling. I can twist and bind for days, but arm strength will elude me forever.

Tomatoes gone wild

This is what I picked this morning from the garden, and there's a lot more to come. There are a bunch of tomatoes that will be ripe within the next few days.

I want to do something really yummy with those big tomatoes, and the three or four others on the counter, but I'm not sure what...I'm thinking about cutting them in quarters and roasting them with a whole lot of garlic, olive oil, and herbs from the garden. Maybe I'll blacken them in my iron skillet and make a roasted tomato salsa. Or maybe I'll just slice them and we'll eat them with salt & pepper - they are juicy and acidic and wonderful.

Lee & the boys came home from camping around noon on the 4th...we've just been taking it easy since then. We went to party/cookout on the 4th and watched the city fireworks at dark. I was a wee bit hung over yesterday morning, so Will and I slept in until after 10:00 which is almost unheard of for me. He had climbed in bed at about dawn yesterday and it felt so good snuggling with him, especially after he's been gone for four nights, so I was in no hurry to get up.

I haven't practiced since Wednesday morning, but after doing classes five days in a row - a primary, an intro to 2nd, a hip opener, and two Bikrams - I was glad to take time off. I'm going to advanced primary in the morning and I"ll bet I'll feel great. Sometimes after taking a few days off I'm suprised at what I can do.

Intro to Second

OK, so since I can't even get through primary without a cheat sheet, I'm sure I had no business going to an Intro to Second class tonight, but oh well.

We did primary through Navasana, then started on second. This is the first time I'd ever taken this class, so I just wanted to see what I could do. Several of the postures were familiar from the Bikram series - salabhasana, dhanurasana, ustrasana. I've decided that I like ustrasana in a non-hot room much better; doing it in a hot room makes me feel like I'm going to either faint or vomit. I was able to get deeply into ustrasana without that feeling tonight.

We went through the rest of the backbends, then to supta vajrasana with a partner, then bakasana. We did it twice. I will probably never jump into bakasana, but I did a half-assed jump out of bakasana the second time. Of course, I very nearly fell on my face in the process, but so what? ;-)

Then we did eka pada, dwi pada, and yoga nidrasana. This is where my strength is, in these kinds of postures. I got each leg behind my head without much difficulty in eka pada, and John came over to help me sit straighter and extend over my other leg. I got into dwi pada also, but when John came over to help me lift up and get into tittibasana, I just couldn't - too tired. That is where my weakness is - arm strength. Then I got into yogi nidrasana and bound easily.

Then headstands - and I was so tired I mostly sat and watched. By the time I had set up for the first headstand, he was moving on. This is another area in which I am weak - balancing in inversions, and I'm especially wary of them when I'm feeling fatigued.

John went on to demonstrate the (seven?) headstands, and at the very end, he had someone hold his feet steady and he lifted his hands completely off the floor and balanced on the top of his head alone. Of course the rest of us were all laughing and going "riiiiiiight".

Now my lower back is quite achy and feels out of whack and my hip joints hurt. I guess it's all that foot-behind-the-head stuff I did tonight.

Wonder of wonders, we are having a cool spell here tonight, and I have the windows open and the air conditioning off. There is a steady breeze in the oak tree outside our bedroom window.

Nowhere to be tomorrow, until the 6:15 hip opener class (I'm determined to take advantage of all this alone time and do a class every day) so I think I'll sleep in tomorrow.

Odds and ends.

Lee called me from the campground in Alabama where he and the boys are tonight. He said they have a lakefront site, though the drought there has moved the shoreline a ways away from the campsite.

He reported that their neighbors on the right have a pit bull chained to a tree and all afternoon listened to NASCAR racing on the radio at top volume; the neighbors on the left have a portable satellite dish; and behind them is a family in a camper with a Pepsi machine outside the door of their camper.

He said "If you want to feel good about yourself, go to a campground in middle Alabama."

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Last night I gave myself a pedicure and channel surfed. I had planned to watch "Amelie", which is my all-time favorite movie, but I found "Annie Hall" on WPBA, no commercials, so I watched it. It's so hilariously dated, but it has some great scenes, like when Woody Allen goes home with Diane Keaton for Easter, and her grandmother serves ham. They show the grandmother looking suspiciously at him, then they cut over to him, and he appears as a Hasidic Jew, with heavy beard, forelocks, and hat.

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I worked in the garden this morning, then went to the thrift store, DSW shoe warehouse, and Old Navy. At DSW, I found some cute Skechers embellished Mary Janes, for fall. At Old Navy I bought Michael a new swimsuit and a t-shirt, and Will some shorts. I tried on a few things, but it seems like most of it is baby-dollish and looks terrible on me. I wound up just buying myself a few shelf-bra tanks.

I went to a Bikram class late this afternoon. I sweated so much I looked like I'd been swimming. My hand towel was absolutely soaked from wiping sweat and there wasn't much dry space on my yogitoes, either.

The last couple of Bikram classes I've taken, when we do the second set of padahastasana (which is like the ashtanga padahastasana except that the hands are cupped under the heels, not the toes), I feel this series of quick pops across my middle back, very much like what I get when the chiropractor adjusts me. It is wonderful!

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Tomorrow morning I have a dermatologist's appointment, to have a rough brown spot on the side of my left calf checked out. Everytime I do a forward bend I see it, and it's weighing on my mind, so I'm glad I could get in so soon. I called Friday and was very suprised to hear that the NP, who I really like, could see me Monday, so I jumped on it.

I'm going to tackle the carpet cleaning tomorrow afternoon - my friend Beth loaned me her Rainbow machine - and tomorrow evening I'm going to attempt an Intro to Second Series class.

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A few photos:



This is growing next to our driveway, from a seed dropped by a bird leaving the birdfeeder. I swear we didn't plant it ourselves.



Beautiful, fragrant sage growing next to our driveway.



Our vegetable garden: strawberries, tomatoes, and a bell pepper on the left; tomatoes in the middle, and on the right, that bed has the season off, but it's been heaped with compost and is sprouting all kinds of stuff, including an avocado, tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, sunflowers, and potato vines.



What I got from the garden today.