Headstand is mine!!

I did it!

Today in intermediate primary, when we reached that point in the series, I put my towel on my mat and started to go up to my usual halfway. The teacher came over to me and said "you should get your arms closer together" and he moved my elbows closer together, like maybe to 60 degrees. It felt unfamiliar, but steadier. I still only went halfway, but stayed there for two sets of ten breaths.

When I got home, I tried again on the living room rug. First time, I got about three quarters of the way. Second time - got it! I stayed for a few breaths, then came down. Third time, did it again and stayed for seven breaths. It's the last little adjustments when I'm fully horizontal that I'm working on - pointing my toes, making sure my legs are totally straight, and trying not to wobble.

I did it! Rock on!

Pollen overload.

Have mercy, I have never experienced such major pollen before. There's a light shower of stuff falling constantly. Coupled with no rain in a few weeks, everything is seriously coated in yellow and people are overcome with allergies. I'm not overcome, but one of those 24 hour allergy meds is just barely keeping the worst of it in check. My eyes and face are super itchy.

I was standing over Will in the bathroom a little while ago, to make sure he did not pee on the floor, as is his wont, and I turned to the mirror and ran my hands through my hair. A shower of pollen and what we call "oak boogers" rained from my hair into the sink.

I don't think any rain is predicted at all until Sunday, at which point we will be in Grayton Beach.

We are all in desperate need of a break. I'm burnt out on PTA stuff, my friends are all yelling at and or spanking their kids in public, or reverting to terrible habits like smoking or too many glasses of wine.

I haven't spanked, smoked, or drunk too much wine, but I did have a mini temper tantrum at the dinner table last night, when Michael complained that he didn't like the tortilla casserole I made AT HIS REQUEST.

All will be well soon, however....Saturday morning we are beach bound. I've got groceries, sand toys, new movies, plenty of wine, a new bathing suit, and a stack of books.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to Intermediate Primary. I'm planning to take my mat with me to the beach to get in at least one practice at the beach house, and I'm also going to go to a Vinyasa Flow class at a tiny yoga studio near the beach.

My vacation goal: to achieve a full headstand. I practiced yesterday after hot class....I practiced at home...I am so close to being fully horizontal for five breaths.

Vacation attitude.

We're heading to Grayton Beach on Saturday morning for spring break week and everybody - well, except for me, of course - has already mentally checked out and gone to the beach. I still have to face the responsibilities of snack week for Michael, a Silent Auction meeting on Wednesday, my last Decatur 101 class on Thursday, not to mention the usual grind of meals, laundry, and homework, etc., etc. AND packing.

After a good bit of googling, I found a yoga studio not too far from Grayton that might have a class for me next week. It's sort of a generic sounding flow class, but I can probably handle it.

I had a hard time dragging myself out of bed this morning to practice. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I thought about getting back under the covers, but the thought that I wouldn't be able to practice tomorrow or Wednesday propelled me up. Boy, practicing straight out of bed is HARD. My first surya namaskar a's, I could barely touch the floor. My plan was to do David Swenson's 45 minute short form, but you know, I'm not crazy about skipping postures. I've decided I'd rather start at the beginning and do what I can in the time I have. So I did. I went (almost) straight through, skipping only utthita hasta C, paschimottanasana B, janu sirsasana B & C, mari D, and skipping some vinyasas between sides. I was in kurmasana when Lee returned from his run and started banging around in the kitchen, feeding the cat and making coffee, so I blew through baddha konasana, one backbend, shoulderstand, plow, urdva padmasana, matsyasana, and two (nearly there) headstands.

I don't think I will ever come to enjoy ardha baddha padma uttanasana, though it is very similar to Bikram's toe stand, one of my favorite in that series. I can't seem to position my lotus foot on my thigh in a comfortable spot, and balancing is so difficult. I have no problems with ardha baddha paschimottanasana, though.

Though I was very stiff this morning, practicing when I'm in a bit of a mental fog is always helpful to me...my mind is not awake and I'm right there with the postures instead of off thinking about something else. Hmmm, maybe I should start skipping my morning coffee on the days I want to have a good focused practice.

Haaaa, maybe not.

Me mind on fire. Me soul on fire. Feeling hot hot hot.

Hot hot hot described the hot yoga room this afternoon, and I thought for sure I was going to feel like hell, because I needed to do some serious detoxifying. It turned out to be a fantastic class where I really pushed myself. It was also pretty packed and I really love the energy of a full class. When we got to ustrasana, because I was feeling so good, I made a point to backbend as far as I absolutely could - I pushed my hips was forward and inched my hands down my feet until I was grabbing my toes. I felt totally energized after the class.

Detoxification was needed because yesterday I had a drink in my hand from about 12:45 until 8:15. Well, not literally the entire time, but it sure felt like I did. The surprise baby shower turned out perfectly. All the guests and food arrived at 12:45, and we got all set, poured ourselves wine spritzers, and went out front to wait for her husband to bring her. She was completely suprised and didn't have any inkling we were up to anything. All the food was fabulous and I ate a ton, carbs be damned. We played a few very fun and silly games, ate, opened presents, and talked. As it wound down (about an hour later than scheduled) we discovered that a bunch of the dads and kids had all congregated at one house, so we packed up the leftovers and went over there, where I stayed until Michael had a meltdown at 8:15. I hustled him home, cleaned him up, and put him in bed with me where we fell asleep by 9:00. I think the good night's sleep definitely helped offset what I thought was going to be a bad hangover.

I went to an Intermediate Primary class on Friday morning with only two other people. The regular teacher is on maternity leave, and I wonder if the low turnout was because of that. This guy was perfectly nice, but his class was just okay. I also think I might be ready to try the regular full primary class, because this guy didn't throw in any challenging postures at all.

Tomorrow morning I'm planning to get up with Lee and while he goes for a run, I'm going to do a quick thirty minute practice.

It's been in the mid-80's here all weekend. Isn't that unbelievable?? It's only March, for godsake. People all around us have already turned on their a/c.

Mama's got a squeezebox

Last night and today I worked on a CD for the baby shower mom....some fun stuff to listen to at the shower, and then she can take the CD home with her. I chose "Love Child" by Diana Ross & the Supremes; "Mother's Little Helper" by the Stones; a very funny old blues song called "Mother-In-Law" ; "Mother and Child Reunion" and "Father and Daughter" by Paul Simon; "Up All Night" by the Talking Heads; "Forever Young" by Bob Dylan; a Sheryl Crow cover of "Sweet Child of Mine"; "Mother Nature's Son" and "Your Mother Should Know" by the Beatles; a Dusty Springfield cover of "Mama Said"; "Lullaby" by the Dixie Chicks; "Brothers and Sisters" by Ziggy Marley; "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon; "Mama's got a squeezebox" by the Who, and "Mamas, Don't Let your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys" by Willie & Waylon.

The boys had never heard "Mama's got a squeezebox" before and they both thought it was a total hoot. I had included "Eat For Two" by 10,000 Maniacs at first, but I thought that song might be a bit of a downer.

Tomorrow I have some cooking and major cleaning to do to further prepare for the shower. I bought several bunches of flowers today that I need to arrange, and Saturday, after I line up at 7:30 am for Rec camp registration, I have to go buy balloons. Despite the work, this should be a lot of fun...there's about nine of us, plus the pregnant mom, her daughter, her mother, and her aunt. The menu includes grilled chicken skewers, fruit, cheese, hummus, hot mushroom dip, deviled eggs, rice salad, little sandwiches of mango chutney & cream cheese, homemade truffles, wine, iced tea and a giant sheet cake decorated in pink & blue with a big yellow question mark in the middle, because the mom has opted not to find out what she's having.

So, practice? What practice? Ha. I hope tomorrow I can get to my one Primary class for the week. The pollen has me wanting to take a fork to my eyeballs, and everytime I bend over I have a dull pain in the top of my head from sinus congestion. Funnily, I can breathe through my nose fine; the congestion is way up in my head and it hurts. Lee suggested I try his Neti pot. I might in the morning.

I needed an attitude adjustment.

So I'm having one. It's dark red, and came in a tall green bottle that needed to be opened with a corkscrew.

Practice today, well, at least I can say I did it. My plan was to get the boys off to school and do at least 45 minutes or maybe even the full series, but when I got home I got sidetracked by a billpaying/banking issue and it was well after 9:00 before I was able to unroll my mat and get started for a 45 minute practice. I had a new
Snatam Kaur CD to listen to while I practiced so I was pretty happy. I got a good start, felt pretty strong and fairly flow-y. I swear, I could get addicted to the feeling that I get in each shoulder joint when I extend, then reach around to bind in mari a. I get the best pop and release. Anyway, I was along about baddha konasana when the phone rang. By the caller ID, I thought it was the husband of this pregnant friend of mine for whom I am having a suprise baby shower on Saturday. He was supposed to call me today, so I picked up the phone, but it turned out to be my friend, not her husband. So anyway, twenty minutes later, I got back to my practice but it was going on 11:00 by then so I blew through shoulderstand, plow, karna pidasana...or maybe it was garbha pidasana, I always get them confused when I'm not looking at the series. One is the one where you're in shoulderstand, then you lower your knees to the mat by your ears. The other is not in the 45 minute series per David Swenson, but I did it anyway...from shoulderstand, and cross into full lotus, balance on the shoulders, and put your hands on your thighs. Anyway, I threw that one in there, did a couple attempts at headstand...it's coming along, my legs are going higher each time and I feel steadier....did a couple tolasanas, a quick savasana, and that was it.

Will came out of school this afternoon with a "Chick-Fil-A Spirit Night" sticker on his shirt, but when I said "little dude, daddy and I do not want to eat at Chick-Fil-A tonight", he burst into sobs. He wasn't pitching a fit, he was just wailing in disappointment. Tantrums I can go with, but I hate to disappoint my little buddies. So I capitulated and took them up there a little while ago to eat. I swear it is a good thing they are such cute, sweet kids because they are total slobs. Michael spaced out and forgot he was not drinking from a water bottle, tipped his milkshake cup up to drink, and wound up looking like someone had thrown a pie in his face. Will kept pulling his straw out of his cup and liquid was dripping everywhere. Then he got up on his knees, leaned on the table, and it tipped over. OY! Hence my need for my liquid attitude adjustment.

Just call me Susie Suburban.

I've got something in the oven for dinner tonight that makes me cringe with embarassment everytime I make it....it contains an ingredient that, just a few months ago, I would have scoffed at using....and I can't believe I'm putting it here for anyone to see...but confession is good for the soul.

It's a layered tortilla dish that contains ground turkey, veggies, sour cream, cheese, green salsa, black beans, whole wheat tortillas and.......cream of chicken soup.

The horror! The horror!

But, you know what...my kids love it. I pack it full of veggies chopped small in the food processor and I don't hear one word of complaint. Which is rare these days. I swear, those two were more adventurous eaters when they were toddlers. Will hates veggies and is a meat, cheese and egg lover. Michael will eat a few, limited veggies, but if given the choice, would live off plain brown rice, whole wheat pasta, macaroni and cheese (from a box, of course) and fruit. No chicken, except in nugget form. No cheese, which means that he pulls the layer of cheese off a slice of pizza and eats the crust. The only milk he'll drink is almond milk. No eggs, which means that when I make scrambled eggs for the rest of us I have to find something else for him to eat. He's even been turning his nose up at peanut butter and jelly for lunch. The other day I opened his lunch box and found a full ziplock bag of Pirate Booty, uneaten. "What is up with this??" I demanded. "I don't like Pirate Booty, mommy," he said. "Since when?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me? You used to love it." And he said "Well, I've just been going with the flow lately."

I would be more comfortable with what Michael eats if he were not so likely to insist he is not hungry when it is obvious he is. Will, he'll not hesitate to ask for a snack. Michael will be sobbing hysterically or otherwise behaving in some way completely unlike him, but insist that he is not hungry. I force him to eat a banana with peanut butter and within ten minutes he is back to normal. Because I never know when he's going to reject the lunch I pack him, I've started spiking his breakfast oatmeal with a scoop of vanilla protein powder and a spoonful of ground flax meal. If he's not going to eat his lunch, I'd at least like him to be able to save his meltdown for after school.

So....pedestrian casserole it is, but I'll serve it with blue corn chips for the boys to scoop it up with, and canteloupe slices, and they'll wake up in the morning in good moods because they didn't go to bed hungry tonight.

Practice today - hot class. Since it had been two weeks since my last hot class, I had to re-acclimate a bit to the heat. Otherwise, it felt fine, and in fact, I thought my balance was much improved and my ujayyi (is it ujjayi or ujayyi?) breathing just kind of took over. Ujjayi breathing is not taught, per se, in the Bikram series, or at least not at this studio, though we are taught to breathe only through the nose. About the third pose in, I realized I was breathing like I do during ashtanga.

Tomorrow I am planning to do at least a 45 minutes practice at home after I get the boys off to school. I read on someone's blog today, and I can't remember whose, where they fell onto their head during a dropback. They said that it was not as bad as they thought it would be, and now they were kind of glad to have gotten it out of the way. I think that's the approach I'm going to have to take with learning headstand...I think I am going to have to fall and get it over with.

If you don't like the weather in Atlanta, wait five minutes.

Or so the old saying goes...but it is true this afternoon. Yesterday afternoon it was in the upper 70's....now it is 49 degrees, very windy, and getting steadily colder. I'm wearing a sweater, and I have the heat on...but my glass of wine is keeping me warm too.

After four nights of poor sleep, I FINALLY got a decent, mostly continuous seven hours of sleep last night. I was in my pajamas ready for bed by eight o'clock. I read for a while and turned out the lights at ten. At some point, Will got in our bed, but Lee moved him back to his bed before he could get settled in, and stayed with him for a while. When Lee came back to bed, Will followed not long after, and at that point I woke up and could not go back to sleep, but it was after five, so I felt fairly well-rested. I've been tired today, but not that foggy, can't form a coherent sentence, I probably should not be driving tired.

I went back to intermediate primary today...because I was tired, it was mostly sheer will that kept me going. Same teacher as last week, but she mixed things up a bit. Between surya namaskar a & b, she had us work on jump-ups and jump-backs. I notice when I focus on lifting my hips rather than the force of my jump, that it's an easier jump and quieter landing....though I don't always remember to do that. Also, I think I tend to hold my breath during the jumps.

Again she threw a bakasana into the mix, plus an ardha chandrasana. At warrior II, she came over and pushed in my lower back and pulled back on my raised arms, and all down my sternum I felt a series of pops! Ahhhhh. Bliss!!

Again I bound pretty easily on both sides in mari d, but she adjusted me so that my spine was straighter and then I felt like I was going to topple over.

Instead of trianga mukha today, she had us do what was Bikram's fixed firm - sit bones on the mat between both feet, then down to the floor with arms overhead. A little harder to do when not in a hot room!

No supta kurmasana today, darnit, but I did manage the three backbends in a row.

She is about three weeks away from her due date, so today was her last class for a while. She said that they were thinking about adding more morning classes and I told her I would definitely be there - imagine what another two or more classes a week could do for my practice.

I honestly felt like quitting several times during class, but again and again I just listened to my breath...I felt like I was just hanging on, coming back to it again and again like a lifeline.

No practice again until Monday, and then it'll be a hot class; tomorrow is Will's first soccer game, and he's got on his soccer uniform, cleat, and shinguards because he is so excited. Tomorrow afternoon I have to work a shift at the kids consignment sale; then Sunday afternoon I am going to a birthday party with Michael. So...Monday it is. It will be interesting to see how a hot class feels after almost two weeks, and how I can integrate my progress in ashtanga, with the Bikram series.

Falling apart.

It's remarkable how a poor night's sleep can totally ruin your day. How many of the things wrong with this world can be attributed to people not getting enough rest?

Last night I slept from 10:15 or so until 10 after 3 this morning when Will cried out and I woke up...try as I might I could not go back to sleep until Lee got up and went for a run, at about twenty 'til 6...then I slept until 7. I had wanted to get up and do a thirty-minute practice, but that didn't happen. I could barely climb stairs today without having to stop and rest.

Michael stayed home today, not feeling well....brief periods of low-grade fever, a slight cough & a general malaise. I took him to Target today because I had a long list of things to get, half of which I forgot, because I was in such a fog. I almost felt unsafe driving, too.

Tonight Lee is going with some friends to the Roxy to see Tragically Hip...if he wakes me up when he comes in, I might have to kill him.

I bought a new vacuum cleaner today, and it sucks. And not in a good way.

I will have time for an hour and a half of practice in the morning. I MUST sleep tonight!!

Just a miniscule styrofoam bead on the carpet of life.

I'm feeling very grumpy and unnapreciated today. Today I have:
- stripped our bed
- made Will's bed
- done two loads of laundry
- cleaned out the hermit crab tank
- fixed lunch for the boys
- loaded, run and unloaded the dishwasher
- finished washing the breakfast dishes
- cleaned out both backpacks
- disassembled the vacuum cleaner to see if I could figure out what is wrong with it (it quit yesterday, with an extremely loud bang, a large cloud of dust and a strong burning smell)
- dragged Michael's bean bag chair downstairs and outside to see if I could find where the microbeads were coming from
- sewed up a four inch hole in the bean bag insert
- swept up approximately two million microbeads from the back deck
- carried Michael's beanbag chair back up to his room
- tagged a storage box full of clothes and a bag of books for the consignment sale.

Today Lee has:

- drunk coffee
- read the paper
- gone for a run
- cooked breakfast & washed a few dishes
- sat in the sun reading a book.

To his credit, he stayed home with the boys while I went to yoga.

We had date night last night at an upscale Greek restaurant in Buckhead last night. It was fun, and we had a good time, and I consumed about a bazillion carbs (including a fabulous pomegranate martini) but at dinner Lee told me that he hasn't had a new case in months from Extremely Large Fast Food Chain (billions and billions served) and ever since I have had a faintly queasy, anxious feeling in my stomach. He keeps telling me not to worry about it. I wish I could be so carefree...if he had loads of other clients giving him work, then I wouldn't worry. I wish I had a job...I would feel a lot more secure and more in control of my own destiny.

Pratice today (and yesterday): did 45 minute short form yesterday while Lee took Michael to rock climbing and Will to breakfast. Alas, I was unable to capture the magic of Friday's class. ;-). Though in my third surya namaskar a, when I moved between up and down dog, I had this loud pop and feeling of release in my left shoulder, and experienced it again when rotating my arm around in mari A on the left. But everytime I went into updog I noticed that the ceiling fan blades really needed dusting. When I got to savasana, I laid down, then got back up, got the broom, moved the coffee table under the fan, dusted the blades, moved the coffee table back, then laid back down in savasana, finally able to enjoy it.

Today's class was a small crowd - four of us, all from the Primary Foundations series - and was taught by a teacher in training. It was probably the least challenging class, in terms of the postures she chose, that I've taken yet. It was, though, challenging in the sense that I have not had a really good night's sleep in the past four nights. So I felt pretty wiped out afterward, but during the class I pretty much coasted.

Because there was only four of us and John was there giving adjustments, during most of the class each of us got a good adjustment, on both sides, about every third posture.

OH, and John let me borrow one of his Super Black Mats for class. It felt much, much better than my thin Prana mat! I am very much looking forward to my Manduka mat.

I won't make it to another class, not there or at Hot Yoga, until Friday: tomorrow is a teacher work day, and I am taking the boys for new shoes at REI and swimsuits and such at Old Navy; I also have to take Will to get soccer cleats and shinguards; Tuesday's hot yoga class has been cancelled but even if not, I'm having coffee w/the PTA treasurer in the morning to talk about next year's budget; Wednesday morning I have to drop off all my consignment sale items; Thursday morning is my third Decatur 101 class and then Dad is coming to gift me with three new toilet seats, installed (Dad's the best!); finally, Friday I will make it back to Primery Intermediate.

Dinner tonight: grilled buffalo burgers sans bun; grilled asparagus for me & Lee and roasted, butter/cinnamon/honey glazed sweet potatoes for the boys.

Today's practice.

Too bad I can't think of anything more creative to call this post, because today's practice is worthy of poetry or, I don't know, an aria or something.

It was the intermediate level Primary, which I have taken before and it has been most, but not all of primary, geared toward people who are not ready for the full primary (like me! or so I thought!). The teacher seemed to know all the other people who came, and I guess they were all fairly advanced, so she said she was going to teach the whole thing. When she said that, I was thinking uh oh, wish I were in the very back of the room.

But it all turned out okay. In fact, much better than okay. It ROCKED. I felt strong and bendy, my chatarangas continue to improve, and I had no trouble keeping up with the pace. The only place I felt a little hesitation was when she threw a bakasana into the series, somewhere before dandasana....at least I had heard of it before on Julie's blog. ;-) I didn't know how to do it, though. Anyway, the more we went on, the stronger I felt, the deeper I got into down dog, the more I felt like I might actually be able to jump through in this lifetime...

When we got to mari A, she came and adjusted me, pulling my arms up and away from my back. Wow, that worked my arms. Usually I just bind and then hang out, but she had them working. I bound, well, not effortlessly, in mari D, but on my own within two breaths, on both sides. At this point I felt like I was at my peak; I had worked up a good heat and wasn't tired, and feeling like I was having a good practice got the adrenaline flowing. When we got to kurmasana, I got way more into it than ever before. I was thinking "how did I do this?!?" My legs were not quite straight, but my chin was on the floor. For supta kurmasana, I figured I'd just stay there, but she came over and rotated my arms around so they'd move back. I scooted my feet closer together, and she crossed them; then I reached my arms around and could touch my fingers; she pulled my arms just a little bit closer together and I bound! I was grinning like a fool, right into my mat. I guess it'll be a while before I can get there on my own, but once she got me there, I felt fine, no struggle.

I skipped the two chakrasanas - I'll attempt them again when my Manduka mat gets here - but I did everything else. I even did the correct number of rolls to get around in garbha pindasana - it wasn't pretty, and I didn't have my arms threaded through my legs, but I did it. We did three fairly quick backbends in a row, coming down onto the tops of our heads in between - which I had never done before, but I liked being able to readjust the position of my hands for the next one.

I attempted two wobbly half-headstands while everyone else raised and lowered their legs from headstand. I swear one day I am going to conquer headstand! I am!

I thought that I would just melt into the floor during savasana, but in fact the opposite happened; I felt very revved up and I could not keep my mind still. Over and over again I brought my focus back to my breath but over and over again I lost it.

Throughout the afternoon I've thought this morning's practice and I get a little thrill of excitement and happiness every time.

Shrimp poppers revisited

What I found out when I picked Will up from school this afternoon was a little bit of a buzz kill, unfortunately. As mentioned in the previous post, the boys were allowed to have the hot lunch at their schools today, which was shrimp poppers, tater tots, and applesauce. A microscopic nugget of shrimp! Enrobed in deep fried goodness! Yum! Well, because I rarely let Will have hot lunch - Michael has it a little more often - it is considered a treat. I think the last time Will ate hot lunch was Thanksgiving, when Lee went and had lunch with him.

So I walk up to get Will and Ms. G tells me that he had the pb & j sack lunch instead of shrimp poppers because this morning, when he got to school, he forgot to move his lunch clip to the "hot lunch" board. They are supposed to know to do this when they get to school. I am not 100% sure of the procedure, but I suspect that because Will so rarely eats hot lunch, he forgot. Well, because he forgot, she made him 'default' to the sack lunch. I think she could tell by my face that this was more than just a little deal...it's stupid, but it really was a treat for him, and I told her that it was. She apologized, and I think she felt bad. I asked if he got upset, and she said that for a minute he did, but then he recovered and he was fine.

In all fairness, this is the very first time that I have had any sort of issue at all with his teacher, whom I really like. She is quite structured, but very warm, fun, and loving to all the kids.

I felt terrible. I wished that I had shrimp poppers (I keep typing "poopers") for him for dinner. I want to cuddle him in my lap and let him eat all the shrimp poppers he wants while I rub his back and tell him what a sweet, good boy he is and how much I love him.

I'm giving myself a very precious gift.

It may not be in everyone's best interest, but darnit, I work hard. I deserve it. And it means so much to me....it's okay to do something like this every once in a while, I think.

That gift is....letting Micahel and Will get hot lunch at school tomorrow. I don't have to pack lunches.

Hot lunch is shrimp poppers, tater tots, and applesauce (plus a veggie or two which they won't eat).

I don't know who is more excited, me or them!

Today was my second class of Decatur 101, this week held at the Public Works department. We toured the facility and heard about what each supervisor/department head does. I have to say, I am very impressed...I have no doubt that my tax dollars are being spent well.

This week a woman with a new baby sat next to me. New, like a month or maybe six weeks old...or maybe younger....he slept pretty much the whole time. The mom held him for the first half of the class and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was a big boy, chubby, with round pink cheeks. Occasionally he would do that thing that new babies do, where they open their eyes but you can see their eyes rolling back in their heads and you know they are still asleep. She set him in his bucket for the second half of the class and I could hear him occasionally making little snorting noises in his sleep. I stared at him not only because he was beautiful, but because I was remembering that stage...looking at him cradled in his moms arms brought it all back, all the details of a new baby.

Tonight is spaghetti dinner at school. Lee begged me not to make him go, so I told him to come home at five, pick up Will from yoga at 5:30, then take them out to eat. He is going to take them to the pizza place and let them play video games, which is a real treat and easily enough to make them give up spaghetti dinner. They will be in heaven! I have to take dinner money from 5:30-6:30, then hopefully someone will show up to relieve me. At this point in the year...finding volunteers is like pulling teeth.

Today I'm not as sore as I thought I would be from yesterday's class. My butt muscles are a little sore, but in a good way. Tomorrow is another intermediate primary. I had a dream about chakrasana last night....I dreamed this woma who was in my Primary Foundations classes did chakrasana, coming out of it by somehow flying up into the air and falling on top of me. Wierd!!

That was a long ninety minutes.

Went to the "hip/chest opening" class at onlyoga today, my first time trying that class. GADS. Opening chant, five surya namaskar a's, then we started a series of standing postures that nearly kicked my butt. I don't know what all the postures were, but it was a repeating series of warriors, ardha chandrasanas, down dogs with alternate legs lifted high, and so on. We went through that at least three times, then to a series of padahastasanas (done bikram style, gripping the heels from behind), more warriors, parivritta parsvakonasana (which she had us do with a bind under the legs and behind the back), uttita trikonasana, and the prasaritas. From prasarita a, she wanted everyone to lift into a headstand, and that is when the self-defeating litany of thoughts nearly drowned out my concentration. From there, pashasana (I'm looking at my book, so I see it in the intermediate series), krouchasana, parsvottanasana, utthita hasta a & d, hanumasana (twice on both sides), purvottanasana, trianga mukha paschimottanasana, five navasanas, supta padangustasana a & b, then a loooong paschimottanasana and savasana. And of course vinyasas between sides.

It was tough, as much because I didn't know what to expect as because of the difficulty of the series. I hate feeling at a disadvantage.

I woke up this morning at 5 after 5 when Will got in bed with us, and I never got back to sleep. I was tired when the class started...now I'm even more so.

Lastly...just thought I'd share what Lee calls my "pac man shoes".

She's going shopping, shopping for shoes.

She wants them in magenta and caribbean blue, platinum and buttercup, lilac and black, they fill a bucket up and laugh behind her back, Imelda baby what to do?

I went shopping for shoes today, though I didn't have as much luck as Imelda did. I bought a pair of Born brown thong sandals, which are quite comfortable. I've had them on for a while this afternoon. I know I'm going to have to break out the wooly socks and Dansko clogs again before the month is out, but the sandals weather at the moment is wonderful.

I had much better luck with clothes on my shopping trip...I bought two skirts, both kind of crinkly and peasant-y, falling just below the knee; one is white and the other sage green. I also bought a long black crocheted belted cardigan by Nine West which was on clearance; a pair of Buffalo David Bitton cargo shorts, and a pair of DKNY cuffed capri jeans which I had to get in a size SIX! I have never worn a size six before.

I also bought a pair of sunglasses. I want to branch out into some funkier sunglasses, but I can't find any that don't overwhelm my face and leave me looking like Mary Kate & Ashley.

So, practice today...I went to the hot 90 this morning. Basically, I just phoned in. Yeah, I was kind of bored, actually. Nicole was the teacher, and while she is perfectly fine, she's pretty plain vanilla. The other teachers either give great adjustments, are wierd and or entertaining, or teach really lovely, motivating classes. Nicole pretty much just recites the dialogue. In only one pose, standing bow pulling, did I feel like I had a moment of revelation, not that I have them in every class, but in all the other poses I thought about what I was going to eat when I got home, what I could wear today that I wouldn't be too hot in this afternoon, what I was going to make for dinner, etcetera. My revelatory moment in standing bow pulling was finally experiencing the "tip and reach equally for best balance" instruction - I really engaged my raised arm, kicked equally into my other hand, and tinkered with my balance by pulling back on my kicking to balance the energy in my other arm.

In any event, I suspect that this class is on the endangered species list, since there were only three of us there - another reason I was checked out - and Debbie has already cancelled the Thursday hot 90 at 8:30.

I have scoffed at the ideas of Uncrustables, and the people who buy them, many times, but damn if I don't hate packing lunches. If there were an Uncrustables at the health food store made with whole wheat and natural peanut butter, I'd buy them.

Yoga, schmoga?

I've got a continual low-boil of frustration at not being able to practice as often as I would like, and even when I do practice I feel like I'm rushing before, or after, or both, to make up for the time spent practicing.Occasionally I think "I will never be able to give ashtanga the full time commitment it needs, so should I even bother practicing at all?" I'm not sure, though, that I could go back to simply doing hot classes. So I practice on, worrying that I am doing it "wrong", or creating bad habits from being so new and doing it alone, feeling grumpy that there are not more classes closer to me or in the morning, and feeling stressed that my schedule and other commitments keep me from the mat.

I was very enthusiastic about being president of the PTA, but I am feeling a wee bit burned out and resentful that I am the one that does the most. Maybe it is because I am around a lot, and people tell me when there is a need to be met, and I feel compelled to meet it.I have committed to being co-president again next year, but I am eagerly anticipating my term being up. Both boys will be at the same school next year anyway, for the only time until high school, which, for the year at least, will make things marginally easier on me.

Anyway.

Lee has gone into the office for a little while. That terrible bus accident on Friday, in which a chartered tour bus crashed through a fence and over a wall onto 75, has landed in Lee and Susan's lap, because the company that insured the bus is a client of theirs. So Susan went to the scene on Friday, and is in Ohio right now, though I'm not sure what she's doing there. Lee has spent the morning on the computer, researching federal regs relating to NTSB investigations. He needed to print out a 48 page investigation report, and I grumpily told him to go to the office to do it, since (a) he's been on the computer most of the day and (b) he can deplete the office's print cartridges, not mine.

Mom & Dad are here for the afternoon, with tickets to the aquarium tomorrow. They visited with us earlier, and are coming back for dinner. They brought these rather vile-looking green and white mini cupcakes from the grocery store. The boys are delighted. Mother's sweet tooth knows no limits. No dessert is crummy enough for her to pass up.

So, practice related stuff. I did not practice Wednesday or Thursday of last week. Friday I went into midtown to take an Intermediate Primary class with another onlyoga teacher, Leigh. She is very cute and quite pregnant and I enjoyed her class. It was similar to John's, except she threw in some stuff which John has not, like handstands inbetween navasanas which I might achieve in my next life. I stood pretty much all the way in the back, feeling entirely inadequate, but I was actually not so inadequate, or so it seemed from the little I observed. There was one woman behind me who had a major head of dreadlocks. They had kind of a funky smell which I found distracting.

I was happy to see that I am not the only yogini who has to drop their legs to the mat between chataranga and updog, but I get stronger with each class.

During trianga mukhapada paschimottanasana, I felt like baby tenderlove or whatever, but darn it, I guess I am really bony and the floor felt really uncomfortable, even with my yogitoes down. So when I got home, I ordered a Manduka mat and a mat carrying strap. I hope it'll be here by next Thursday so I can use it for next Friday's class. I will save my prana mat for hot classes.

Still working on headstand. Today while I practiced the short forms in the living room - Lee went for a run and I put The Incredibles on for the boys - I tried it again and I've narrowed my general fear of this posture down to, I'm afraid of toppling over backwards. It's not really the upside down part that I fear. I fear falling flat over on my back and hurting myself. I'm also worried that I am not using the correct arm placement....what I read says, it's common for beginners to put too much pressure on their heads and necks, because they allow their forearms to roll out too much. I don't know how NOT to roll my arms out too much.

Tomorrow morning I am supposed to go to breakfast and for a pedicure with Beth & Cindy, but I think I am going to skip the breakfast part and just get the pedicure. I want to do another short forms practice. Practice and all, even if it's all wrong, is coming!

It's a new day for the Yogini Mama.

I got tired of the dots on my old blog, but I couldn't be sure that if I changed my template, that I wouldn't lose my archives. So I think I will just link my old blog here as my archives and start anew.